At the next desk, a colleague is interviewing a fat middle-aged Frenchwoman who has neglected to shave this morning. She has been claiming benefit since 1989, and now wishes to do a three-year college course, and has come to enquire if we will give her any extra money. When my colleague tells her that we won't, she becomes abusive and starts shouting and waving her arms about, with many references to 'this f...ing country.' (This same f...ing country has supported her since 1989, it is now 2006.) All the male staff in the vicinity start to disappear, and I later find out that is because the woman, who is a complete nutter, has a habit of taking off all her clothes and jumping up and down naked, when she has an angry moment. This time, she is calmed down by the combined efforts of our three managers and told to apply to the local education authority for funding. For those of you who thought that LEA grants were a thing of the past, try being one of our claimants. The woman goes on her way to the town hall, and I'd like to send her even further on her way with the toe of my boot.

After that, I take a telephone call from a solicitor who wants to know why a client of his has failed the Habitual Residence Test. This test is, or should be, applied to all citizens of a European Union country who claim benefits before they have been living in this country for two years. It is designed to make sure that Britain is really their home, and they have not just come here in order to claim benefits (as if they would). This particular client is HIV positive. I explain to the solicitor (who knows this already) that the European Union allows for free movement of workers, that his client is not a worker, and she has not established that Britain is her 'centre of interest'.
The solicitor informs me that his client is a worker, she has worked here for three months, but our system tells me that she has actually attended her place of work for just five days, and has of course been dismissed. I tell the solicitor that she is not going to receive benefit, and he says that he will appeal. He will probably win the appeal, the people who sit on Appeal Tribunals and who are independent of us, think that the pocket of the Britsh tax payer is lined with gold. Unfortunately, the government thinks the same.
Finally, the solicitor asks me if I will post him a copy of the questionnaire we use for the HRT. Clearly, he thinks that I am an absolute mug, and that I do not realise he wants to be able to tell his clients the questons they will be asked when we test them When I refuse, he calls me something unpleasant, and puts the phone down rather hard. I expect language like that from the 'customers,' but not from a solicitor. However, you live and learn.